I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
