Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
