We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
