i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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