i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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