where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
