the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
