You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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