I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
