i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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