i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
