We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
