My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
