Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
