I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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