I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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