Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
