If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
