Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
