he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
