Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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