yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
