After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
