the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
