Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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