I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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