There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
