the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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