saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
