you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
