I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
