I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Someone came in the potted fern
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
