i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
