I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
