Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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