Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
