dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
