dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Farmville is her only friend.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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