p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
