Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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