ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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