Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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