If that was your dad, he is hot
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
