Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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