He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
