at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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