Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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