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"it" just moved
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
