my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
