apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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